The Expectation of Proper Conduct
by Bookninja15
Summary: Her world is made up of strict logic and control. He's on the brink of insanity and is exactly the kind of trouble she's supposed to avoid. AU Sydrian.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own the bloodlines series or any of the characters.**

* * *

One

Seven am was the first prayers were said in my household. It was my favourite time of day, the quiet of the morning combined with the carefully ordered ritual of prayer made for the best start to the day. It was a solitary event, but there was a sense of togetherness with the rest of the world that I seldom felt.

The words I'd spoken so many times before, but that never wore away the thrill of being able to connect with god.

Eight o'clock was breakfast, where my mother made porridge and my father read the paper. But today wasn't as ordinary as it was before.

Today was my first day of college, and school in general. My family, although ordered, spent years travelling around, never enough time to settle in any one place. I used to always cry and beg to be able to go with the other kids my age, but after a while, I almost lost interest. I had all I needed here, in my house. I had my sister and my parents and all the books I could ever need.

But this was different; this was college, something I'd been dreaming about for years. It was learning at its peak, the place where intelligence prospered and people became whatever they wanted. I was going off to study architecture, a subject I'd always been fascinated in.

"Sydney, don't forget what I told you last night," my father said to me over breakfast. He'd warned me that the world outside of our house wasn't a pure place. Corruption plagued it and you couldn't be sure of anyone. People in their unruly state were not to be trusted. I was better than that, I was ordered and logical; the perfect daughter. Or so I hoped. My father had never explicitly said so, but I did everything I should.

Now, however, I was finally getting out in the world, seeing something so much more than this. I'd often wished I could've gone somewhere further away, but the college in the city was the furthest I could get.

I didn't wish to part from my family, I just wanted to _see_ the world, to experience it properly. I'd been to many places, even as far as St Petersburg once, but I'd never had much need to explore any of them at all.

"I promise I won't let them corrupt me," I told my father, and I meant it. I wasn't going to let _anyone_ change who I was or turn me into something I wasn't. Purity was everything to my father and I wasn't going to disappoint him.

"Good," he said and returned to his paper, absently stirring his porridge. I knew he wasn't worried about me, just the world. He trusted me, but not _them_.

I glanced at the clock on the wall, acutely aware of the time. "I should get going," I said and left as soon as my father nodded in approval.

**o0o**

When I finally got outside, Keith was waiting for me. He was like the son my father never had, but could never bring myself to like him that much, especially after last summer when he came to stay with us. But my father liked him and he was my designated driver for this, especially since he was going to the same college.

"Hello Sydney," he said, in a tone that was almost too polite.

"Hello Keith," I responded as smoothly as I could, despite my unease. I had to remain polite for my father's sake.

"Let's get going, then," he said and waved at my father, who was waiting on the doorstep. He nodded silently, approval in his eyes and then we left.

The drive there was almost painfully awkward, with Keith trying to be pleasant, but my mind was stuck on other things and I could barely answer him at all. He didn't seem to be aware of my discomfort, chatting away about things I didn't even really care about.

I tried to tune him out, instead thinking of finally being in college. I imagined lectures filled with people all willing to learn and projects that would take up weeks at a time. I imagined it would be something close to church, people all come together, focusing on one cause.

When he finally arrived at Carlton, I could barely contain my excitement. Students were milling around the campus and there seemed to be some kind of serious vibe in the air, like people were really ready to start learning.

Getting out of the car, I looked at the packet of information. I didn't really need to look at it, I'd memorised the details long ago, but I smiled as I scanned the information. I was at college!

"Do you need me to walk you to the office or anything?" Keith asked. He almost looked genuine, but I knew he couldn't be that nice. I knew better.

"I think I'll be okay, thanks for driving me," I said, hoping he'd just go.

"No, I should help you with your suitcase. It's pretty heavy," he replied and got out of the car.

"I'll be fine, besides don't you have somewhere to be?" I said, hoping he has some kind of mundane ritual to work with.

"No, not really; I'm happy to help."

"I can manage with this, it's not that heavy," I said as politely as I could. I just wanted to get away from him.

"Okay, but be careful. Not everyone around here is like us," he replied. "I'll be around if you need me."

I waved him goodbye and checked my map, trying to work out how far it would be to my dorm from here.

I let out a frustrated sigh when I realised I'd have to walk halfway across campus to get there. Dragging my suitcase behind me, I felt deeply conscious of people watching me, as I struggled to keep it from tipping over.

Unfortunately, I didn't manage to do that and the suitcase tipped over to the side, causing me to fall with it. I hit the ground with a thud and tried to get up as quickly as I could.

"Need some help?" a voice said, and I looked up to see a guy standing there. The first thing I noticed about him was how attractive he was. He had the kind of face that reminded me of the paintings and artists I'd studied a few years ago. His eyes were a bright green and he had a nice smile, but there was something off about him.

I wasn't sure what it was, but my father's warning about how people weren't like us made me wary of this stranger.

"I'm fine" I said, trying to get up as quickly as I could, but I couldn't life the suitcase off the ground. It was too heavy.

"You're clearly not, here, I'll pick it up," he said and reached out a long arm and pulled it up almost effortlessly.

"Thanks," I said.

"The name's Adrian by the way," he said, "Adrian Ivashkov."

I stared at him for a moment before I realised it'd be polite to give my own name. "Sydney Sage," I said and held my hand out for him to shake

"Well nice to meet you, Sage," he said, giving my hand a quick shake.

"Sydney," I corrected quickly.

"I know that," he said with a laugh. "See you round."

I watched him as he left, feeling like I missed something.

**o0o**

When I finally got to my room, there was another girl in there. I'd known I was rooming with someone else, but I didn't quite expect anyone else to be there.

The auburn-haired girl was dressed in extremely short shorts and a tank top. It was hot here, but I didn't quite expect such extreme clothing. Seeing all that skin shocked me.

"Hey, I'm Angeline," she said, looking up with a smile.

"Sydney Sage," I said, trying unsuccessfully to pull my suitcase into the room. It tipped again, but thankfully only against the doorframe, so I quickly got it upright again.

"Cool," she replied. "Anyway, just so you know, I'm not going to be here, like all the time so if anyone asks I'm just 'around'."

"Okay then…" I said, unsure of what she was going on about.

"Thanks," she said. "Anyway, I gotta go meet my…friends. I'll be back late," she said and jumped off her bed and hastily shoved a few items in a bag before running out the door. I tried to contain my shock at her boldness for going outside in such skimpy clothing.

Now that Angeline had left, I decided to focus on unpacking.

The room wasn't that big, but I didn't mind. I'd lived in smaller spaces. Besides, I found the unpacking and re-ordering of my things relaxing.

It was a ritual I always did every time I moved into a new home. It helped me focus on the new place and concentrate on settling in. There was just something magical about being able to have this kind of order.

The whole process took me longer than I expected, since I wasn't used to the layout of the wardrobe and I ran out of coat hangers halfway through. I studied the wardrobe when I was done, admiring how neat everything looked.

It was a contrast to Angeline's side of the room, which was the messiest thing I'd ever seen. There was no order to _anything_ and I wondered how she could live like that. Clothes were strewn everywhere as well as a few unidentifiable items.

_Not everyone around here is like us._

Keith's words echoed in my head and I tried to shake them off. I mean Angeline didn't seem too bad, and neither did Adrian, really.

_But they're not like you. They're not pure_.

Still, I tried not to think about it. I was here to learn, not for socialising.

* * *

**A/N: Right, so I hope you like this story, because I do have plans for it. It WILL be told in alternating viewpoints between Sydney and Adrian, because hell yes this is a sydrian story and I like to indulge myself. **

**I mean I had this idea bouncing around in my head for a while and now I've kind of tried to put it together as something. **

**Also, as a note, I really know little about the American Education system, but I'm going to try and do my best anyway (besides, I have google). **

**So, do tell me if you liked this story, because I want to know. Reviews are really nice. **

**~Bookninja15 **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own bloodlines. This is just Fanfiction.**

* * *

Two

Waking up, on any given day, was never easy, mainly because of the hangover from the drinking the night before. Today's hangover was one of the lesser ones, thanks to the fact that I had classes to attend.

Rolling out of bed, I searched around for a shirt; one that didn't look too much like it had spent the last three days on my floor. It was the first day of class and I wanted to make a good impression, not exactly for my own sake, but the sake of my mother.

I'd made a promise this time to try for her, but also to get away from home. There were too many reminders of _her_ back there. Leaving was really the only sensible thing to do.

I didn't need to be constantly reminded of what I'd lost. This was supposed to be something else. To take my mind of things, as my mother put it.

Checking my phone before I left, I noticed a missed call from an unknown number. Part of me wondered if it was _her_ trying to get in contact again, but I didn't dare call it.

I had better things to do.

**o0o**

"Now, focus on the composition of the paintings, make sure everything is balanced just _right_." The voice of my teacher floated through the room, but I barely heard her.

My mind was focused on the painting before me, every stroke of the brush and splash of colour. There was nothing else in the world but the canvas and me.

"Oh that's excellent, Adrian," the teacher said as she passed me, interrupting my focus. The brush nearly slipped out of line, but I held it steady. "The use of the black in contrast with the red is _perfect_."

Her words bought me back to reality and I realised what I'd painted again. I didn't want to keep giving myself reminders, but I somehow always came back to _her_.

I'd tried to block all reminders out, mainly with copious amounts of alcohol, but there were always moments like this when I slipped. I never intended for it, but I always got carried away in my art, exposing these things better kept hidden.

Suddenly the class felt too small and claustrophobic. I didn't say a word, but I got up and walked outside the moment the teacher took her eyes off me.

Finally getting out, I lit a cigarette and took a long, deep drag. The effect was almost instant and I could feel the panic slowly fading away. Everything was better now. A cigarette might not have been as long-term as alcohol, but it did was a quick fix.

I didn't pay attention to how much time had passed, but eventually I noticed more and more people around and decided to get going.

"Oh, sorry," I heard someone exclaim in surprise. I looked around and saw a blonde girl hastily trying to pick up someone's paper.

"No you're not, this is important," they snapped at her. She looked mildly terrified and I decided, on impulse to step in.

"Hey, it's just paper. Not like it was the crown jewels or anything, chill," I said as calmly as I could, pushing myself in front of the guy.

"You don't know anything," the guy said sharply.

"Some say so, but don't take it out on her. It was an accident."

The guy didn't seem to have anything to say to that and grabbed the paper out of the girl's hands and stalked off. I turned around to see who I'd just helped.

"Sage!" I said, remembering her as the suitcase girl from yesterday.

"Sydney," she corrected. "And thanks for the help."

"You're welcome," I said with a wink. She blushed, a bright red that showed off a tattoo on her cheek. It, surprisingly, was a golden lily. "A tattoo, Sage?"

"Oh, it's a religious thing," she said, absently tracing the lily on her cheek.

"Never heard of a religion like that."

"No, probably not," she said.

"Well maybe you can tell me about it sometime."

She looked at me for a long moment, as if she really was considering telling me. I wondered if she knew I wasn't that serious it was just flirting. "No, you're not the type," she said seriously.

"But what about your type?" I said with a smirk.

She blushed again. "I really do have to go. I might see you later," she said and walked off quickly.

"I'll look forward to it," I said quietly after she'd gone.

**o0o**

Music blasted through the speakers at a volume that was almost painful to my ears. However, with the amount of alcohol in my system, I didn't care. Tonight was all about getting lost in a drunken haze.

I wasn't going to let myself think about anything, especially _her_. Tonight was tonight and that's all there was.

I didn't know who exactly I danced with, but she was there.

"We should go somewhere," she whispered in my ear seductively.

"Sure, why not?" I said and followed her as she pulled me outside.

It didn't take long to see that she was dragging me over to her dorm. I knew she had sex on her mind and I didn't care that it was only tonight.

"You're really cute you know that?" she slurred.

"Of course I do," I replied and kissed her. She responded enthusiastically enough, but even so, I kept thinking about _her_, how she was a much better kisser. I remembered all the times we'd gotten drunk together, how we'd stumble outside and kiss before going back to her place (or mine).

This hit too close to that, but I didn't feel like I should leave this girl alone. Besides, being with someone else should take my mind off _her_.

That was the whole point of this, to block everything out with someone else, to find some way to get rid of _her_ and cover this empty hole left inside me.

* * *

**A/N: I know this is a lot shorter than the last chapter, but I decided anything else to add would feel kind of unnecessary. I mean it's a lot obvious about what happens next. **

**Anyway, it was pretty hard trying to get Adrian's voice. He's a really complicated character to write about. I mean I'm usually pretty chill with a male POV, but Adrian isn't a straightforward character. **

**Off topic, but if you're on tumblr at all, I'm at furyofthetimelords but I do also have a sydrian/bloodlines/richelle mead blog at fierysage, so check that out if you want. **

**So yeah, I hoped you liked this chapter and it did Adrian justice as a character. If not, then well, I guess I tried. But first person is hard, man. I'm not as used it. But since Bloodlines is written in first person, I felt more comfortable going along with that. **

**Reviews are greatly appreciated. I love to hear what you guys think. ^^**

**PS. Also, could someone here PM me about the typical timetable structure of a college course. Like the times classes start and how many there could be in a full day and stuff like that. That'd be amazing. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bloodlines nor did I write it. I'm just a Fanfiction person. **

Three

Today, unlike most days, I was running late. I don't know how I managed to let that happen, hut here I was, late.

I got up out of bed immediately, pulling out the first outfit I could find. I pulled on my shirt and almost tripped over trying to get my shoes on, although when I glanced over at Angeline's bed, I saw another figure there with her.

I blushed, realising probably what I'd slept through last night and tried to sneak out the door. Unfortunately, I heard the person beside her stir.

"Sage?" said a very confused voice. I looked up to see the one and only Adrian Ivashkov sitting up in Angeline's bed, looking very sleepy.

Almost adorable.

_Don't think about it. He's not like you._

"It's really you isn't it?" he asked again, squinting at me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, stupidly.

"Well, considering I'm in the bed of your roommate, well I'm sure it can't be too hard for you to figure out."

"I mean why here? I didn't know you knew Angeline."

"I don't. Well, sort of," he said. "I met her last night."

I frowned. I knew people out here didn't have the same moral code as I did, but I didn't expect this kind of extreme.

"What? Not like it really meant much. We both knew that," he said with a shrug. I looked at him for a long moment, shocked at how casual he was being.

"Well, I've got to go now, so I'll see you later," I said, hurrying out the door, trying not to think about what I'd just seen.

**o0o**

Thankfully, I managed to make it into class without much disturbance. The teacher gave me a firm stare, but said nothing else. I wasn't off to a good start and made a mental note to be punctual from now on and get my alarm fixed.

I focused completely on the lesson, trying to soak up every detail. Unlike a lot of my classmates, I was furiously making notes on everything the teacher said, determined to miss nothing.

I didn't care that we were still in the introductory classes or that it was barely eight in the morning, I was in heaven. Learning had always been my thing and I didn't want to miss a moment of this because unlike home-schooling, the lesson was only there once and then gone.

"And that's it for today. I expect you all to start doing some research on this because you shouldn't expect me to baby you. This is not high school anymore," said the teacher, signalling the end of the lesson. I blinked, trying to bring myself back to the real world. I hadn't realised how absorbed I'd gotten in my notes.

I looked around and saw that everyone else was already walking out the door and I gathered my things to catch up with them. I wasn't going to be late for two classes in a row.

"Miss Sage?" The teacher said and I turned around to face her.

"Yes?"

"Why were you late?"

"Oh, my alarm wasn't working and I got um…distracted by my roommate. She needed help. Urgently," I said, trying to make it sound as convincing as possible. I didn't think Angeline would want many people, especially a stranger, know about who she'd been in bed with. Besides, I knew the policy about boys in girl's rooms.

"Well then, I hope your roommate can learn to live without you in the mornings. I don't want you miss anything. You see like a bright student, so don't disappoint me."

"I won't ma'am," I said and left, trying not to think about this morning's incident or the lie I'd just told.

**o0o**

The rest of the day went much smoother, with no more late classes or Adrian appearances. I was dreading going back to the dorm and having to face Angeline after knowing exactly what had happened last night.

I tried to put it off as long as possible, but in the end it was getting dark and I needed sleep. I made a show of knocking loudly on the door, praying that if Angeline was in any kind of…situation, she'd stop.

"What the—hey, why'd you bother knocking?" Angeline asked me when I opened the door.

"Well…I wasn't sure if anything was, well, going on," I said, feeling awkward.

"Oh, don't worry about that. I forgot you were such a prude about these things," she said with a shrug.

I didn't know how to respond to that, so I ignored it and walked into the room. Typically, Angeline's side had somehow managed to become even messier than before. I really wanted to ask her if I could reorganise it, but somehow I didn't think my efforts would last that long.

Instead, I tried to focus on the homework I had. The teachers here didn't seem to hold back on anything, handing out sheet after sheet of work. I'd heard some of the other students complaining about the eventual late nights, but I didn't care. This was heaven.

**o0o**

Unlike the claims made by the other students, I managed to finish the work relatively quickly. Glancing at the clock, I realised it was already one a.m. Angeline had long since vanished into the night and I wondered how exactly she'd planned to pass her course (whatever that was) with all this partying.

I got up and stretched, trying to relax my stiff neck, but a knock at the door stopped me mid-stretch.

"What are you doing here?" I asked when I opened the door. Standing there was Adrian Ivashkov, for whatever reason.

"I just wanted to see you again, Sage," he said, like it was a perfectly normal thing to do, turning up at someone's dorm in the middle of the night.

"Well can't you wait until daylight hours? This is unnatural," I said.

"What can I say? Maybe I'm a creature of the night," he said with a smirk.

"That's not funny, it's late and I was just about to go to bed."

"Maybe I can join you."

I was so angry at his words that I almost yelled something obscene. Instead I took a deep breath and looked him right in the eye. "No. Now I'm afraid you can't stay any longer because I really need my sleep. Goodnight, Adrian," I said and slammed the door.

I waited for a long moment until I heard him leave. I breathed a sigh of relief, thankful both in the fact that he'd left and that my father would never have to find out about this incident.

He'd call it improper and about a hundred other things. He believed firmly in morals and letting a boy get that close to my bed without properly knowing him wasn't a good thing. I could almost hear exactly what he'd say. _You're supposed to be better than this. I raised you, not wolves. _

**o0o**

A week later, I ran into Keith. Not as literally as I had with the angry paper guy, though.

"Hey Sydney, how are you holding up out here?" he asked me with a pleasant smile. I wished I could believe in his friendliness, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't see past what he'd done.

"I'm fine," I said evenly.

"And the work?" he asked and I wondered for a moment if he'd be reporting any of this back to my father. I shouldn't be surprised though. I knew he'd want to keep an eye on me, _for the safety of your soul_, I could almost hear him say.

"It's alright. I'm even a little ahead."

Keith smiled wider. I resisted the urge to puke on him. I knew he had to be faking. Keith really did hate me, although I suspected that he put on this face in case I'd tell my father. However nasty Keith was he still respected the power my father had. No one wanted to cross Jared Sage.

"It's good to see you're enjoying it; but what about the people? Are you coping with them?"

"I'm fine," I said. I didn't want to mention my roommate's messiness or…other things I'd sort of witnessed. I didn't want those to be an excuse my father used to take me away from here.

"Good, although I do hear your roommate is kind of…wild. Is that okay for you? I know it must be hard," he said sympathetically.

"I don't really see her that much…so I guess it's easier to ignore," I said, in a half lie. Truthfully, Angeline's habits were almost fascinating to me. How could one person be so reckless and lacking of certain morals?

"That's better. But do let me know if there's trouble. I want to help you," he said earnestly. I almost believed him, too. But I knew in the end it would result in me leaving here. And despite the strange start, I liked it.

It may have barely been a week and a half since I'd arrived, but the constant stream of work and new information was heaven. It was hard dealing with certain people, but apart from that, I could deal with it.

"Thanks, Keith. I'll see you later," I said and walked off, relaxing as the awful feeling in the pit of my stomach subsided. It was a feeling I'd had around him since last summer. I'd seen the way he'd interacted with Carly, and truthfully I didn't like it.

I hated him because he took my sister away from me. After that summer, she was no longer my sister. She was supposed to be dead to us. Keith was responsible for it, I knew it, but I didn't know how. I'd never been able to ask Carly. We never saw her anymore and no one spoke about her.

Sometimes I wanted to confront my father about it, but I remembered his weary eyes as he told her to go, that this decision was hard on him. He was disappointed with her, that she done something to corrupt herself, that her soul was unsalvageable now.

She'd accepted this and didn't even bother to beg. My sister had left and in her place, a stranger called Carly. One I wasn't supposed to know. I didn't know where she was anymore and I believed it was for the best.

However, I couldn't help associating Keith's closeness with her as some kind of reason for her corruption. He'd been the last person she'd been with and he'd told us he'd look out for her. That she'd be okay. But she wasn't.

My sister had been cast out of the family and never to be spoken of again. My father didn't even blame Keith in the slightest. He said that maybe this kind of corruption was something greater than he could have saved her from.

I'd never mentioned it to my father, but somehow I suspected Keith, that beneath all this charm and excellence was something darker. There had to be. He'd allowed her to be banished from our lives. _Keith _had let that happen and no matter how my father spoke of him, I couldn't let that pass.

**o0o**

**A/N: So…what do you think? I didn't intend to write that last scene exactly, but I felt the chapter was missing something. **

**Anyway, yes, it is only a one-night thing between Adrian and Angeline. I didn't exactly intend on writing it like that, but I guess I wanted to start the chapter off with a shock. **

**Or something, idk I don't plan these things exactly. I'm good at having a final destination for a fic, but the journey there is the fun part, because I can play with that and have fun thinking up ideas.**

**I really can't stand point-by-point plans. They suck the life out of a story, for me. **

**Anyway, reviews are much appreciated and I hope you're enjoying the fic. **

**~bookninja15 **

**PS. One of the reasons this took so long to write was because I wrote Home, another Sydrian oneshot that's three parts angst and one part fluff. Or something. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own bloodlines and I'm 100% not Richelle Mead.  
**

* * *

Four

I didn't really know where I expected to wake up, but it sure as hell wasn't a gutter. Sure, I've woken up in some strange places before, but nothing quite like this.

Struggling to sit up, I tried to recall the events of last night. I didn't remember much, just a few flashes of memory.

Also, the hangover didn't help either. The ache was unwavering and left like someone had stuck a knife in my forehead. I closed my eyes, trying to block out the light, as if that would help. With a hangover this bad, I probably needed a week to recover.

It wasn't hard to figure out where I was, once I managed to stand up. Carlton wasn't too far from here and neither was my apartment. I decided to forgo classes for today. There was no point trying to sit through anything with such a hangover.

I stumbled around a bit, but no one paid me much attention. It was early morning and the few people out on the streets looked even worse than I did. I passed by people with hollow eyes and some didn't even look alive.

For a moment, it was like I was in a wasteland, an empty place full of dust and decaying life. Everything was changing and blurring.

Panic was setting in and I quickly lit a cigarette, taking a deep drag. The smoke burned all the way down, but I didn't care. The wasteland was gone and I was on solid ground again.

Sometimes I wondered what was wrong with me, why my brain didn't work like it should. But no one could give me a proper answer. Doctors called it going mad, some kind of neural lapse or something. All I knew was that something was eating at my brain, warping everything I knew about myself and the world.

The only thing that seemed to calm it was drinking, something to quiet the madness and then I knew anything weird was just drunkenness; smoking helped to an extent, but that never lasted long enough.

I didn't care what it did to my body, not really. Just so long as I knew who I was, that my mind was my own, I was alright. Maybe my lungs weren't all that good and I gave my liver hell, but who cares? It helped me stay sane.

Getting back inside my apartment, I collapsed on the bed, not caring I was still dressed in last night's clothes. That could wait. I just needed to get over this hangover.

**o0o**

I didn't know how long it had been since I fell asleep, but the sun was pouring through the window. I squinted against the light, wondering why I'd forgotten to shut the blinds. I got up out of bed, stretching to get the aches out of my cramped muscles.

I reached for the bottle beside my bed, taking a quick sip of the vodka. Even if my hangover had been bad, I still needed something to tide me over for the next while.

It was only a small hit after all, not like my indulgence last night. I wasn't going to do that again for a while. Not unless things got too bad.

I pulled my phone out to check the time, realising I'd slept right through the day and it was 2 a.m. Great. I knew I wasn't going to be able to sleep now, so I decided to go paint.

Painting was one distraction that I could do without much serious damage to my body. I supposed maybe I should lay off the alcohol, but it wasn't like I could carry around my painting set with me all the time. Alcohol was just so much more convenient. It was easy slipping a tiny flask in a pocket and no one bothered to blink an eye.

I picked up my brush and sat down at one of the easels. I had a few sitting around the house, along with a few dozen finished paintings. I spent a lot of the time I had free painting, even if it was just a few brushes of paint on a canvas.

Tonight, however, I didn't intend to do just a few stokes. In times like this I could cover at least three canvases.

I let the brush move and my mind focus simply on the painting in front of me. It was easy to lose myself in this work. Tonight, I painted the blackened wasteland, just as I'd seen it on the street. It helped painting it out; although I know I'd never let anyone really know what it was. People would just dismiss it as some imagined creation.

What was harder to hide were my constant representations of _her. _Rose Hathaway, the girl I'd loved with everything I had and threw it all back in my face. I didn't blame her as such, but the situation was fucked. The worst part was that I knew it, but I didn't want to accept it. Anyone could have seen the way she looked at her personal trailer (or whatever he was). There was some controversy about it since he was at least seven years older and not supposed to fall for a girl like her.

But in time, people saw how in love they were, how it wasn't just some kind of creepy situation. It was odd, but I guess not that unlikely.

I often wondered why she'd even bothered to date me, why she'd even glanced my way when she loved him that much. I never got an answer from her, just a scrawled apology saying she was sorry and wished things were different. I'd tried calling her, but she'd never picked up the phone.

That's when I left home. I couldn't stand being there, seeing the same clubs we'd been in and the times we'd spent together. It was too much, so I'd done the only thing I could, which was get the hell away.

Yet my paintings always betrayed me, with the constant drawings of roses and the colour red, always working its way into my pieces, painful reminders of the mark she left on me. She wasn't the kind of person who didn't have an impact, she was like a meteor, crashing into your life and changing it completely. At the time, I wanted her; then I came to love her.

In the end, she didn't believe it, didn't believe I was genuine. She said I was being a victim, allowing myself to fall into this madness, that I wasn't doing anything for myself. Her words at the time angered me, and they still do. She didn't understand the way it was. I didn't really have a choice in any of this. I was going mad and there wasn't a damned thing I could do about it.

Rose didn't understand that, no one did. I thought she could. Hell, that's why I told her and yeah, she'd been sympathetic to an extent, but she just accused me in the end. That hurt almost more than anything else. I'd trusted her and she'd torn it apart.

The worst part in the end was that I still sort of loved her. Nevermind that she'd tossed me aside and left me with nothing but a shitty goodbye. I wanted it to go, to rid myself of the feelings, but that was a near impossible task. So I did what I knew worked, blocked it out as best as I could.

**o0o**

The next day I managed to make myself turn up at school, not even bothering to make an excuse for my absences and nobody asked which made me wonder if anyone even noticed I hadn't shown up.

"There you are!" I heard someone tell and turned around, seeing one of the last people I expected to see there.

Sydney Sage, the strangely conservative girl with the facial tattoo.

"And why do you care to know my whereabouts?" I asked, wondering if it had anything to do with events of the past week, which I couldn't remember that well. I'd tried, but I know I'd been drunk many of those nights and even a fair few of the days.

"Because you owe me a proper, _sober_ apology," she said angrily and put her hands on her hips.

"What for?"

"You came into my room, _drunk,_" she elaborated.

"When the hell was that?" I asked, mostly to myself. What would have made me even see her like that? I knew I did a fair few…spontaneous things when I was drunk, but I couldn't grasp the logic with this situation.

"About a week ago," she said.

"Oh, well I must admit I don't remember a hell of a lot of that, so I'm sorry, for whatever I said or did that night."

She frowned. "It wasn't very nice."

"What I did or the whole being-on-your-dorm part?" I asked, feeling an edge of worry. I didn't really want to piss her off, especially since I knew she was really conservative.

"Both; you said…things," she said, looking uncomfortable, which in turn made me wonder exactly what I said.

"Well, I really am sorry. I'm not always my best drunk, but would you care to let me make that up to you?" I asked.

"I'm not going out with you," she said quickly.

"I never said that was the deal. I'm just on a mission to prove I'm better than that." Whatever _that_ was, but still, I intended to keep this promise. I didn't know what it was about her, but I didn't want to leave her with such a bad impression of me.

"Well…then maybe we can meet later in the week," she said.

I smiled. "Brilliant."

"Give me your number then and I'll call you later," she replied and pulled out a pen and notebook. I wondered how she managed to always have these things on hand. I barely even remembered to carry my phone around most days.

"I'll be counting down the minutes," I said as I scrawled my number on the paper. "See you later, Sage."

"It's Sydney," she grumbled as I walked away, but I swear I saw the smallest hint of a smile on her face.

* * *

**A/N: The first chunk of this chapter took me forever to get right, but in the end it has proved to be a good step into cracking the enigma that's Adrian Ivashkov's mind. **

**Well, I hoped you enjoyed the chapter anyway and if you leave a review telling me about what you liked or whatever, that'd be one of the most awesome things in the world. **

**Also, hell if you're just reading this story, I love you. Because it's nice when people read these things. **

**~bookninja15 **


	5. Chapter 5

Five

Adrian's number seemed to burn a hole in my pocket. I certainly hadn't expected to walk away from that conversation with some kind of date and a phone number. I just wanted an apology, but somehow _this_ happened.

I spent a long time looking at that number, my finger ready to dial it, but I couldn't make myself. Part of me wanted to call right away, but I had a feeling that would give him the wrong idea about my feelings for him.

I didn't really know who he was, but he seemed determined to erase the awful impression he'd left me with after him showing up here unannounced. I was surprised at that, I'd honestly expected him to give me some kind of sarcastic remark, laugh and walk away. It's what most people usually do around me, but somehow Adrian had completely ditched that expectation.

"Hey, who's number?" Angeline said, suddenly appearing behind me and looking over my shoulder. Reflexively, I tried to pull it from her view.

"No ones," I said almost a little too harshly.

"It's a guy's isn't it?" she said. "So tell me, who is he?"

"It doesn't matter," I replied, but I could feel a blush rising on my cheeks.

"Was it that guy that walked out of our room last week? Mm, he was cute."

"No," I said, but the blush on my cheeks gave me away.

"It was! Oh my god. You've been holding out on me."

I almost added something about her already having slept with him, although I doubted she'd really care.

"Are you going out with him now?"

"No! It's not a date," I said. I didn't want her or anyone to get the wrong impression.

"Then what is it, if not that?" Angeline raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing me.

"He's just being nice, making up for last time," I said.

"Last time?" she said, both eyebrows risen in shock.

"Oh, not like that. It was when he barged in here for no reason at all, drunk."

"He probably likes you. Guys are like that."

"He was rude, _and_ it was way past any reasonable hour," I said. How could she not see how stupid his actions had been?

_They're not like us,_ a voice in my head said, one that sounded an awful lot like Keith's reminded me.

"Well I guess we all do kinda abnormal things when we're drunk. I think I might have hooked up with a guy a while back. I mean I'm pretty sure he was good, but I don't remember much. Shame," she said with a strangely casual shrug. I tried to conceal my shock. How could she be so flippant about such intimate things?

"Anyway, I haven't even called him yet so it's not like there's any 'date' or anything going on right now."

"But there will be, so call him and get it over with. He looks like a good catch; also I think he might be one of those arts students too. And I honestly don't think you can do better than an artist."

"I'm not getting…intimate with him," I said, indignant at her suggestion. I wasn't going out with him.

"Sydney, I don't think I know a guy in the world who'd just 'go out' with a girl just to apologise for being a dick. I bet he likes you."

"He doesn't," I said, but the thought was somewhat intriguing. Did he actually like me? And if so, why? We'd barely even spoken before.

_And now's your chance to fix that_. The thought made me blush even deeper and I heard Angeline laugh.

"You're kinda funny, you know? I mean you're kinda clueless, but I'm sure _he_ might be able to fix that."

"Just leave," I muttered. "Unless you're going to be quiet."

"Sure thing," she said and mimed zipping her lips.

Now that the situation was settled, I put the number back in my pocket and decided to deal with that later. I had homework I needed to do.

**o0o**

It took me exactly two more days after that to call Adrian Ivashkov. I'd finally completed all my homework and everything so putting it off longer wouldn't be nice. Besides, three days seemed like a nice amount of time to call.

But even so, there was a swirl of anxiety in my gut. Did he even remember giving me his number? Was I only going to embarrass myself with this?

"Just call him," I muttered to myself and dialled the number.

"Hello, Adrian speaking," he said.

"Hey," I replied. "It's Sydney."

"Sage!" he said brightly. "I was wondering if you'd call. And today's my lucky day."

"Yeah well…when do you want to go o-meet up?" I asked.

"Well tonight's looking good, it is, after all, a Friday," he said cheerfully. I relaxed a little, no longer worried he'd forgotten about this.

"Sure, what time?"

"Well, since I suspect you're not exactly the late night type, six then?"

"Six is good,"

"I'll meet you outside the dorm area, six sharp. I'll be waiting."

"And I won't be late," I replied.

"I'll time you then," he said and hung up.

I was feeling pretty happy about this whole 'meet up' thing until I remembered one of my father's rules about relationships.

_I'll find you a good husband, a perfect match for you. Don't bother with the filth out there. They won't love you._

It was silly to think of that. I knew this wasn't anything romantic. It really wasn't, but I wondered if anyone else could see it the same way. I suddenly remembered Keith, knowing that he'd certainly tell my father something like this. I just had to hope I didn't see him tonight, which shouldn't be too hard to achieve.

But even so, I still felt almost guilty for this. _Ignore it, you're not doing anything wrong_, I told myself.

Now, all I needed to do was properly convince myself of it.

**o0o**

Although I was nervous, I still went through with it. I even tried to dress a little nicer than normal, wearing something that wasn't my usual beige. Sure, it was only light yellow, but it was different. I wondered if he'd notice.

Walking down the stairs to the meeting spot was a little nerve-wracking, even though I told myself I didn't have any reason to be nervous. This wasn't a date. This was just friendly business.

"And right on time, too," Adrian said when I got down there.

"I said I would be," I replied with a smile.

"And on we go," he said and held out an arm. I hesitated for a moment before holding it.

_Just a polite gesture_, I told myself, but I was still sort of blushing. I wasn't uses to such intimate contact with anyone, especially someone like Adrian.

"I shall dazzle you tonight with my wit and charm, proving once and for all I'm not a wild drunkard," Adrian said cheerfully.

"Well you've got a lot to make up for," I said.

"Trust me, Sage; this is going to be the best night of your life." His confidence was astounding. I didn't think I knew anyone who seemed so sure about these kinds of things.

Adrian walked me to his car, which made my jaw drop.

"No. Way," I said, amazed.

"You like cars?" Adrian said and raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, and this is _perfection_," I said, gazing at the beautiful yellow Ford Mustang convertible.

"I didn't know someone like you would be into cars."

"Well, I guess there's a lot you don't know about me," I said absently, still gazing at the car. I'd spent a fair bit of my childhood admiring cars, as well as learning how to fix them. My father didn't really think a lady should know these things, but my mother had told him it was a necessary skill, since she wanted her daughters prepared for anything. He agreed, but I often saw a somewhat disappointed look in his eyes every time I came home from the garage.

Adrian opened the passenger door and gestured dramatically for me to get in. I sat down, enjoying the feel of the leather seats. It was in excellent condition, which made it all the more better. The amount of classic cars I'd seen just left to decay was sickening.

"So, sit back, relax and enjoy the ride," Adrian said and started the engine. Maybe this was going to be a good night, after all.

**o0o**

**A/N: AND I FINALLY DID IT. This was a really tough chapter to start honestly and I had about six different starts to it before I finally found something that worked. **

**Anyway, if you could tell me what you thought about the chapter would be awesome. I love feedback of any kind. **

**(And to address a reviewer on the last chapter, no I have no intention of quitting this story. I am going to get it complete). **

**~bookninja15 **


	6. Chapter 6

Six

There was a distinct difference between being out with Sydney than there was at my usual social gatherings. For once, I wasn't drunk or high or any variation thereof, also I was trying to impress her.

I wasn't exactly trying to be romantic, but she was so refreshing to talk to I found myself leaning closer just to hear what she had to say and laughing with her.

"You're really something different, you know that?" I told her in the middle of dinner.

"Different how?" she said, cocking her head to the side.

"Good different," I said, unsure of how to put it into words.

She smiled and pushed her food around a little more. I'd noticed her habit of this earlier in the night, but I didn't know if it was just nerves or something else. Besides, tonight wasn't about that. Tonight was about fun.

"Anyway, tell me about you, how was life out wherever you're from?" I asked.

"Everywhere," she said. "Well almost. I haven't been to Greece or South Dakota."

"Well I don't really know anyone who's been to South Dakota, but why Greece?"

"I guess I've just always wanted to see the Parthenon," she said, her eyes alight. "The Ancient Greek architecture is genius."

"I'm sure it is."

"Oh, it's amazing. The way they did everything, creating a whole amphitheatre where a whisper could be heard all the way to the back row."

Sydney looked really happy for once, no frown or trace of unhappiness. It was like seeing her see my car for the first time. And strangely enough, I didn't get tired of it. She was talking history and architecture, but I didn't find it boring. In fact, it was _interesting_.

Then she cut off abruptly.

"What? I was enjoying your history talk."

"Nothing, I guess I shouldn't babble on like that. No one wants to hear that."

"I do," I said, meaning it. "You make that stuff actually interesting."

She actually looked a little shocked at that. "Well, you're the first to say that."

"Then the rest of them are idiots. You make this interesting. Makes me wish I had someone like you to get me through high school."

"But you're at college, surely you passed?"

"Well, I've been known to find ways to get by," I said. I didn't add there were times when I nearly got kicked out permanently, but money had a funny way of fixing those problems.

"You do seem like a pretty resourceful person," she said with a smile. "I guess it's all a matter of putting all of that focus in the right direction."

Part of me wanted to point out the innuendo in her words, but I knew that'd probably piss her off. Besides, I was going to make a good impression. And her words did make me think; could I actually make something of myself despite all of this? It seemed impossible, mainly because I knew what a mess I was. I barely even wanted to get up most days and I did spend the last week in a drunken haze.

"Well, we'll see how that one goes," I said and took a sip of the ginger ale beside me (tonight, I wasn't going to risk getting drunk).

"But why art? I mean I didn't really pick you for the artistic type," she said and I noticed how she shifted closer to me, leaning forward just a little bit.

"I just like it. There's just something about painting." I didn't know how to put it into words, the way I felt about it. "Getting the colours and starting with a fresh canvas, bringing the image to life, there's nothing like it in the world."

As I talked, I could feel myself getting detached, letting the madness talk for me. I knew it wasn't right, but I couldn't stop.

"Adrian?" Sydney said, snapping me back into reality.

"Sorry, I guess I'm still a little tired," I said, shaking my head like I could just get rid of all this crazy.

"It's okay," she said, but something about her gaze made me feel like she _knew_ what was going on. I looked away, trying to find something else to bring up.

"So, anyway, why a lily tattoo? I mean I I'd never pick your type to go with a tattoo, let alone a facial one."

"Oh, it's just about purity and the promise of our beliefs. The gold reminds us of our strength and goodness and the lily reminds us we can bloom, even in the presence of darkness."

It unnerved me how passionately she said this. I'd never really met anyone so passionate about anything like that. But the look on her face was beautiful.

"Nice," I said, although I wasn't really talking about what she said. I wanted to reach across the table and trace the pattern on her cheek, to see her—

_Stop thinking about it,_ I told myself. I barely knew the girl and she wasn't like the others. She wasn't here for sex.

"I've always liked that part," she said softly, not noticing my lapse.

"Well anyway, dinner's getting cold. Are you going to eat that?" I said and pointed to the barely touched food.

"No, you have it," she said and pushed it towards me.

"You sure?" I asked her.

"Yes," she said. "I never eat much anyway."

I wasn't going to be one to complain about free food, but I was sort of wary about eating it. In fact I was about my first bite in when Sydney suddenly got up.

"I need to go," she announced and turned to leave.

"Wait," I said and stood up too. "I'll drive you back."

"I can get back myself," she said, an edge to her voice. I wondered what'd inspired this change when I saw her eyes dart to the window.

Outside, was a guy who had the same golden lily tattoo as Sydney did. I'd seen him around before, but I had no idea of his name. Kyle or something, I think.

"Do you know that guy?" I asked, nodding my head toward the window.

"Yes, but that's not the point, I should get going," she said and grabbed her handbag.

"You were fine before this. Who is he?"

"That really doesn't concern you. I need to go, _now_, so I'll see you later, Adrian," she said and got up and walked out.

I tried to follow her outside, but she'd just vanished. I didn't see the guy either, so I assumed she'd gone with him.

Who was he to her?

* * *

**A/N: Whew. That took a while. It wasn't exactly an easy chapter to write so I procrastinated and then got distracted by The Walking Dead (my newest obsession) and then other things. **

**I don't know how this happens, but I'm damned good at finding distractions. Sorry it took so long. Holidays always make me so unproductive. I work better during school time, for some reason. Maybe because I have actual structure in my days and don't just wake up whenever. **

**~Bookninja15**


	7. Chapter 7

Seven

Leaving the restaurant proved to be difficult to say the least. While Adrian had tried to persuade me to stay, it was getting out without Keith seeing me that proved difficult.

I didn't want to confront him about this and certainly not where Adrian could see me. I didn't want to hear him try and tell me things were different. I was from a whole other world to him and it was stupid to ever think we could just hang out. While I didn't exactly like Keith, I still had my values and it was stupid to pretend otherwise.

When I got back to my dorm, my stomach dropped. Keith was standing there, his arms crossed and a scowl on his face.

"Sydney, what were you doing?" he asked. I tensed and tried to think of some kind of lie.

"I was out, Keith," I said in the most pleasant tone I could muster. I wanted him to leave me alone, to not prod the issue. I already knew how wrong it was and I didn't need someone like him to remind me.

"With one of _them_," he said, as if Adrian was some other species entirely.

"It was strictly business; Adrian is just a guy I was helping tutor as a favour to my roommate," I replied.

"Well it didn't look like that," Keith said. "You looked too friendly with him and do I need to remind you that we have morals to uphold. You're supposed to be better than them."

I bit down on the inside of my cheek, holding back an angry retort about how he wasn't such a good person either, but I knew how he'd react. In his eyes, he probably believed he'd never done anything wrong.

"I'm sorry if that's how it looked and I will avoid situations like that in the future," I said firmly, but somehow the words felt like a lie.

"I hope you do and I won't mention it this time, but the next time I see you out with him or any others like him, I will not hesitate to call your father," he threatened and I wanted to strangle him. Keith knew I really wanted this and part of me felt like he was just waiting for a chance for me to slip up. He'd already gotten rid of my sister, erased her from my entire family, and who was to say he wouldn't try to send me away too?

I nodded at him and he left, walking away casually, as if he hadn't just threatened my entire future here.

**o0o**

I woke with an uneasy feeling that lingered in my gut all day. I was still afraid Keith might just call my dad and then someone would drag me home. So, I tried to be responsible all day, trying to prove that I wasn't just reckless. I even wore a shirt buttoned up all the way, as opposed to the one button free I usually had.

I even went out of my way to avoid Adrian, although Keith was only part of the reason for that. Mostly I didn't want to face him after last night and answer any questions about why I had to leave. Adrian wouldn't get it. He didn't live the way I did.

However, I knew I couldn't keep this up forever, something I only realised when I saw Adrian spot me after my morning classes.

"Sage!" he called out cheerfully, walking towards me. I tried to look for some kind of escape, even though part of me wanted to talk to him. Besides, he'd already seen me and there was no avoiding it now.

"Hello," I said, putting on a smile. "How are you, Adrian?"

"I guess I should be asking you that; did that Kevin guy give you shit?"

I looked away, reluctant to discuss it. "Oh, don't worry about that," I replied, hoping he'd leave it alone. I dared look up and I saw Adrian looking at me sceptically, but he didn't comment otherwise.

"Well, maybe we can reschedule? After all, you didn't even finish dinner," he said casually and part of me wanted to respond with an enthusiastic yes, but I held it back.

"I don't know. I've got a lot to do…" I said, which was a complete lie, but Adrian didn't have to know that.

"You sure, Sage? I mean you don't exactly come off as that kind of girl. I'm sure next month's assignments can hold off for a little while," Adrian said it with his trademark smirk and I felt my resolve waver. He was still being so nice, even after I'd all but walked out on him. Honestly, it really confused me. Adrian had no reason to be so nice at all and if anyone should be trying to reschedule, it should be me.

"Maybe…" I said carefully. "I mean I might be free next—"

"Sydney!" I heard Keith call out and I froze. What was he doing here?

"Hello, Keith," I replied, trying to keep it pleasant, even though all I wanted to do was yell at him. "Is there anything you need from me?"

"No, I just wanted to say hello," he said and then turned to Adrian. "Hey, you must be Sydney's student. She's being a good tutor?"

For a second, I was worried Adrian would blurt out the truth and ruin any chance I had at saying here at Carlton, but he was pretty quick to catch on.

"Yeah, she's awesome," Adrian said with a smile and a glance towards me. "Sydney is certainly a fine tutor."

"She is one of our finest," Keith replied and I had to resist a shiver of disgust at being referred to as some kind of possession. In that moment, I really was tempted to forgo the usual politeness and snap at him like I wanted to ever since Carly had vanished.

"Sydney really saved my ass with this…architect stuff. She's awesome," Adrian said.

Keith looked a little disgusted at Adrian's language, but nodded anyway. "I'll see you later, Sydney."

"Goodbye Keith," I replied, feeling a deep sense of relief as he walked away.

"So, what was that all about?" Adrian asked me before I had a chance to duck out.

"Oh, well Keith took last night the wrong way and I had to set him straight," I explained.

"Why does he care? Is he your boyfriend or something?"

"Keith? My Boyfriend?" I said, unable to contain my disgust at the idea. "No way, he's a friend of the family.

"Well, he seems pretty concerned about your life," Adrian remarked.

"Oh, he's just concerned. I mean he thought it was all romantic," I said as casually as I could. "He got it all wrong."

Adrian gave me a funny look then and I almost asked about it, but then I saw the time on my watch and realised I would be running late if I stayed any longer.

"Damn, I gotta go," I said to Adrian by way of apology and darted off as quickly as I could.

**o0o**

**A/N: And I'm back! I've been busy lately (long story involving exams, Supernatural marathons and a pile of other things), but here's the next chapter. Also I just turned a whole year older on Saturday last week so that means I've been buried in a pile of new books (currently, it's The End Games by T. Michael Martin, which is good so far and also something I've been wanting to read for a while).**

**Anyway, do tell me what you think about it because reviews are awesome and I love hearing what you think about things. **

**~bookninja15**


End file.
